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Topic: Teaching something to another person can help you　to learn or master a subject or process?

Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below.

“If you would thoroughly know anything, teach it to others. One who ceases to learn cannot adequately teach.”- Tryon Edwards, Dictionary of Thoughts

　Assignment: Do you think that teaching something to another person can help you to learn or master a subject or process? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experiences, or observations.

習(xí)作修改

【一】學(xué)生習(xí)作(第一段)

Tryon Edwards took a firm stand, saying that “if you would thoroughly know anything, teach it to others. One who ceases to learn cannot adequately teach.” It means that teaching something to another people can help people learn a subject well. To me, I definitely believe it is true[1]--- teaching can make the teacher master a process better---because I have experienced and read such things in my daily life.

語(yǔ)言修改

Tryon Edwards took a firm stand, saying that “if you would thoroughly know anything, teach it to others. One who ceases to learn cannot adequately teach.” This means that teaching something to another person can help you to learn a subject well. To me, I definitely believe it is true---teaching can make the teacher master a process better--- because I have experienced and read such things in my daily life.

本段評(píng)點(diǎn)

這一段話雖然立刻表明了作者自己的立場(chǎng)，但是內(nèi)容不飽滿，大多敘述是重復(fù)和多余的。比如，It means 這一句完全是多余的。Tryon Edwards說(shuō)的話本來(lái)很明白，淺顯，不用再解釋一遍�；蛘�，可以說(shuō)自己的那句解釋，但是不用引用Tryon Edwards的那句話。

【二】學(xué)生習(xí)作(第二段)

At the age of fifteen, I was a student of senior one[2]. Because I always got high scores in mathematics, physics and English, my class teacher arranged a student who did not get high scores in mathematics, physics and English and she wanted me to help the student improve her grades. After class, she often asked me some questions. I explained them patiently to her. However, when I taught her the lessons, I surprisingly found that I, myself, also had some obscure ideas of some points. In order to make both my deskmate and me clearly, I reviewed my book, went to the teachers’ office to ask my teacher and put the question to my classmates.[3] Thus, I comprehensively mastered the knowledge and managed to tell it to my deskmate. During my teaching days, not only my deskmate but also I increased the test scores.

語(yǔ)言修改

At the age of fifteen, I was a senior middle school student. Because I always scored [4]high in mathematics, physics and English, my teacher arranged for me to help a student who did not score so high in these classes. After class, she often asked me some questions. I explained them patiently to her. However, when I taught her the lessons I was surprised to find out that some ideas were obscure to me as well.[5] In order to clearly understand the points in question for myself and my classmate, I reviewed the text and consulted my teacher. Thus, I was able to master the knowledge and teach it to my classmate. While tutoring[6], both my classmate and I were able to increase our test scores.

本段評(píng)點(diǎn)

這一段舉了自己幫助后進(jìn)同學(xué)的例子，敘述比較清楚。不過(guò)句式比較單調(diào)，例如以I做主語(yǔ)的句子比較多。另外，有些意思的表述不夠準(zhǔn)確、地道。

【三】學(xué)生習(xí)作(第三段)

“Teaching and learning promote each other” is a famous saying by Confucius, the greatest educationist and philosophy in China. The proverb demonstrates that teaching helps others master a subject, as well as make the teacher learn a process. Here is an instance. In Chunqiu Dynasty, Confucius had numerous students. When he was teaching, his students always raised questions.[7] These questions make Confucius to rethink them thoroughly. After he was able to consider them utterly, he told his students how to think of the problems. Therefore, Confucius learnt a lot and wrote it down in his book.

語(yǔ)言修改

“Teaching and learning promote each other” is a famous saying by Confucius, the greatest educator and philosopher in China. This proverb demonstrates that teaching not only helps others master a subject but benefit the teacher himself. For instance, during the Spring and Autumn[8] period, Confucius had numerous students. While teaching, his students raised many questions which made Confucius rethink them carefully. After he was able to consider them utterly, he told his students how to think of the problems. Confucius probably benefited a lot from these questions and wrote down his thoughts in his book.

本段評(píng)點(diǎn)

這一段舉孔子的例子立意很好，但是最后一句話有邏輯問(wèn)題. 孔子的學(xué)生問(wèn)了很多問(wèn)題，促使他再三思考。于是他就學(xué)到很多東西。以上的兩句話有點(diǎn)邏輯問(wèn)題。其實(shí)，不能從學(xué)生問(wèn)了很多問(wèn)題就得出結(jié)論說(shuō)孔子學(xué)了很多東西。更合理的寫(xiě)法是：孔子的學(xué)生問(wèn)了很多問(wèn)題，而他本人也往往是通過(guò)回答這些問(wèn)題來(lái)闡述自己的思想。也許，孔子作為老師也得益于這些問(wèn)題，因?yàn)閷W(xué)生的問(wèn)題促使他再三思考。這可能是他說(shuō)出“教學(xué)相長(zhǎng)”的原因。還有一個(gè)知識(shí)性的問(wèn)題, 孔子并沒(méi)有把他和學(xué)生的問(wèn)答寫(xiě)進(jìn)書(shū)里, 他的思想都是他的學(xué)生和后人記錄的。

【四】學(xué)生習(xí)作(第四段)

Generally speaking, not only can teaching educate students but also can it help teachers themselves to master a subject and a process comprehensively.

語(yǔ)言修改

Generally speaking, teaching not only educates students but can also help teachers to comprehensively master a subject or process.

本段評(píng)點(diǎn)

最后一段非常蒼白無(wú)力，只是簡(jiǎn)單重復(fù)了第一段的觀點(diǎn)。全文的亮點(diǎn)只是在中間兩段中提供了兩個(gè)較為具體的例子。最后一段只要不跑題，不多余地提出新的觀點(diǎn)就可以。簡(jiǎn)單重復(fù)第一段完全沒(méi)有必要。

習(xí)作總評(píng)

本文邏輯清晰，思路明確。文章共分四段，開(kāi)頭、結(jié)尾、中間兩個(gè)理由段，分別舉了兩個(gè)例子。第一個(gè)例子是自己的經(jīng)歷，第二個(gè)例子是中國(guó)古代的思想家、教育家孔子。本文的開(kāi)頭段有些問(wèn)題，題目抄了一遍，是浪費(fèi)篇幅�？扇≈�處在第一段表明了自己的立場(chǎng)，而且提醒了讀者本文將根據(jù)自己的閱讀和親身經(jīng)歷來(lái)展開(kāi)論證。如果最后一段再能不單純重述，有一個(gè)點(diǎn)睛之筆，就會(huì)更好了。

值得一提的是其中第二個(gè)例子比較有特色，本文第三段上來(lái)引用的是孔子著名的教育理論：Teaching and learning promote each other，中文譯為“教學(xué)相長(zhǎng)”。這段采用的是名人名言導(dǎo)入法。所謂名人名言導(dǎo)入法就是通過(guò)引用名人名言來(lái)引出自己的觀點(diǎn)。名人名言導(dǎo)入法不僅使作者想表達(dá)的意思簡(jiǎn)明扼要，而且還能起到畫(huà)龍點(diǎn)睛的作用，使文章增加了不少趣味性和可讀性。不過(guò)，SAT作文中所引用的名言，一定要貼切主題，并且不要出現(xiàn)知識(shí)性錯(cuò)誤。本文所引用的名人名言就非常貼近主題。

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[1] To me, I definitely believe it is true. 不僅有語(yǔ)病，也是多余的。

[2] 這里不應(yīng)該用one，因?yàn)榇颂幵跓o(wú)上文的情況下，one無(wú)法指代清楚。One用于強(qiáng)調(diào)或突出：I don’t want the green apple. Give me the red one. One 還可以用于指出一類中的某一事物：Mary is one of my close friends. 如果說(shuō)高中的高年級(jí)的學(xué)生，可以說(shuō)high school senior。

[3] 這句話的后半句太啰嗦，而且結(jié)構(gòu)很散，可以把它們合并成一個(gè)并列結(jié)構(gòu)，并用上consult這個(gè)詞。

[4] Score還可用作動(dòng)詞是應(yīng)該知道的用法。下面兩個(gè)例句中的score都作動(dòng)詞。例如：A new rule requires a team to try to score within a brief time. They gave the other team a chance to score two or three points in a short period of time.

[5] 原文Surprisingly found that這種說(shuō)法不是地道的英語(yǔ)，表達(dá)某人驚奇于某事可以用someone is surprised to find …或it surprises somebody to see/find/know etc.

[6] 這里用tutoring而不用teaching是因?yàn)檫@個(gè)小孩自己不是老師，所以沒(méi)有教授頭銜的，但是他確實(shí)在教另外一個(gè)同學(xué)，稱為tutor。

[7] 這里的questions和下一句開(kāi)頭的these questions指的都是孔子弟子提出的問(wèn)題，沒(méi)必要分成兩個(gè)句子，這樣還容易造成these questions指代不清。用一個(gè)定語(yǔ)從句，意思既清楚又簡(jiǎn)潔，結(jié)構(gòu)也緊湊。

[8] 不論是引用中國(guó)的還是外國(guó)的例子，最好要會(huì)拼寫(xiě)。這就要靠平時(shí)多寫(xiě)一些例子，在寫(xiě)例子的時(shí)候把拼寫(xiě)搞清楚。一個(gè)例子往往可以適應(yīng)好幾個(gè)題目，所以寫(xiě)例子是效率很高的SAT作文復(fù)習(xí)方法.

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