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SAT滿分作文欣賞(一) 含點評
2013-12-06 16:48 | 編輯:川外教育  來自:未知 
導讀:Assignment: Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it? 一、寫作題目 Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below Traditionally the
Assignment: Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it?
 
一、寫作題目
 
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below
 
Traditionally the term “heroism” has been applied to those who have braved physical danger to defend a cause or to protect others. But one of the most feared dangers people face is that of disapproval by their family, peers, or community. Sometimes acting courageously requires someone to speak out at the risk of such rejection. We should consider those who do so true heroes.
 
Assignment: Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it?
 
題目翻譯:
 
“英雄主義”一詞傳統(tǒng)上適用于那些勇于面對身體上的危險而去捍衛(wèi)一項事業(yè)或保護他人的人。但是,人民面對的最可怕的危險之一是來自家庭、同伴或集體的反對。有時候,冒著被拒絕的風險言所欲言也是一種勇敢。我們應該視這樣做的人為真正的英雄。
 
命題:英雄是否應該被定義為在我們?nèi)鄙侔l(fā)言的勇氣時言其所想的人?
 
二、6分范文
 
There are many types of heroes in real life or in literature, but the most courageous type of all is the one who is willing to stand up and say what they believe in even when everyone else lacks the courage to do so. Many people are content to go through life following the crowd. They will themselves to believe in ideas that society says is right, even when they know in their heart it is wrong. A hero is one who is willing to give up his position in society in order to tell people what he believes is right.
 
The abolitionists, such as Harriet Beecher Stowe and William Lloyd Garrison, were heroes in their own time. Before the Civil War, people in all sections of the country thought that African Americans were animals and treated them as such. During the reform period of the Jacksonian era William Lloyd Garrison began to publish his abolitionist newspaper The Liberator. In this newspaper he demanded that the African American slaves be set free immediately, without any compensation to their owners. Because his view on slavery was against the common belief of the population he was not received well. Throughout his life he was given multiple death threats and one of his abolitionist friends was killed. Harriet Beecher Stowe was an abolitionist after Garrison’s time, but she was received in much of the same way. After the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850 was released, she wrote the book Uncle Tom’s Cabin. It was a story of a slave living in the South and the cruelty of his owner. The inhumanness of the owner caused many southerners to ban the book in anger, but at the same time it brought the terrible act of slavery to the light. Many northerners used this book as a weapon against the South’s peculiar institution.
 
Rudyard Kipling once wrote in his poem “If,” that you will be a man if you can stand up and say what you believe in when all men around you doubt you. Heroes must have the courage to risk everything they love to stand up for themselves in the face of opposition. Both William Lloyd Garrison and Harriet Beecher Stowe stood up against a society which had accepted slavery as a right. They believed that what their heart told them was right and risked everything to tell the public what they believed in. These two people have hopefully shown others to believe in themselves and what they view in their hearts.
 
范文翻譯:
 
現(xiàn)實生活和文學作品中存在各種英雄,但最有勇氣的當屬在眾人都不敢發(fā)言時還能站起來闡述自己信念的人。許多人滿足于人云亦云的生活。他們將社會承認的正確意見奉為圭臬,即使內(nèi)心認為這種意見是錯誤的也絕不反對。而英雄則愿意犧牲現(xiàn)有的社會地位來告訴眾人他所信奉的真理。
 
廢奴主義者,如斯托夫人(Harriet Beecher Stowe)和威廉·勞埃德·加里森(William Lloyd Garrison)是他們時代的英雄。內(nèi)戰(zhàn)之前,全國各地都視非裔美國人為動物,并以對待動物的方式對待他們。在杰克遜總統(tǒng)改革期間,威廉·勞埃德·加里森開始發(fā)行廢奴主義報紙《解放者》。他在報紙中呼吁立即釋放黑奴,并且不予奴隸主任何補償。因為加里森關(guān)于奴隸制的觀點與社會普遍認識相左,他并不受人歡迎。加里森在一生中多次遭人死亡威脅。他一位信奉廢奴主義的朋友也遭暗殺身亡。斯托夫人是加里森之后的一位廢奴主義者,她也受到了相同待遇。1850年《逃亡奴隸法》頒布以后斯托夫人撰寫了《湯姆叔叔的小屋》。小說講述了發(fā)生在美國南部地區(qū)一個黑人奴隸與他殘酷的主人之間的故事。書中對奴隸主不人道行為的描寫使得許多南方人懷著憤怒的心情把此書列為禁書,但同時也使奴隸制度的暴行大白于天下。許多北方人以此書為武器攻擊南方的黑奴制度。
 
魯?shù)聛喌?middot;吉卜林曾在詩作《如果》中寫道,如果你能在旁人都懷疑你的時候站起來宣布你的信念,你就是一個真男人。[1]英雄必須在面臨反對時有勇氣犧牲所愛的一切捍衛(wèi)自己的觀點。加里森和斯托夫人都曾反抗承認奴隸制的社會,他們相信自己內(nèi)心的聲音是正確的,并勇于犧牲一切告訴公眾他們的信念。他們或許能讓旁人明白,要相信自己,相信內(nèi)心。
 
三、 得分點詳解
 
1  effectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using clearly appropriate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support its position
 
圍繞論題有效、深刻地發(fā)展一個論點,運用貼切的事例、因果分析和其他證據(jù)支持論點,從而展示出色的思辨能力。
 
針對命題“英雄是否應該被定義為在我們?nèi)鄙侔l(fā)言的勇氣時言其所想的人?”,本文提出論點“英雄愿意犧牲現(xiàn)有的社會地位來告訴眾人他所信奉的真理”。為了支持論點,作者以兩位廢奴主義者——斯托夫人和威廉·勞埃德·加里森為例,展示了這兩位英雄如何反抗不公正的奴隸制度,而不是和眾人一樣“將社會承認的正確意見奉為圭臬,即使內(nèi)心認為這種意見是錯誤的也絕不反對”。在敘述事例時,作者非常注重細節(jié),不僅給出了兩位主人公的全名,還具體到加里森發(fā)行的刊物名《解放者》,斯托夫人的小說名《湯姆叔叔的小屋》以及當時的1850年《逃亡奴隸法》,增強了文章的可信度和說服力。作者還在末段引用了魯?shù)聛喌?middot;吉卜林在詩作《如果》中表明的觀點:“如果你能在旁人都懷疑你的時候站起來宣布你的信念,你就是一個真男人。”從而進一步加強了論點。然后作者總結(jié)到:“英雄必須在面臨反對時有勇氣犧牲所愛的一切捍衛(wèi)自己的觀點。加里森和斯托夫人都曾反抗承認奴隸制的社會,他們相信自己內(nèi)心的聲音是正確的,并勇于犧牲一切告訴公眾他們的信念。”最后作者進一步深化,指出英雄對社會的影響:“他們或許能讓旁人明白,要相信自己,相信內(nèi)心。”整篇文章綜合運用了事例、分析和引用來證明論點,展現(xiàn)了出色的思辨能力。
 
2  is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas
 
結(jié)構(gòu)合理,中心明確,思路連貫,銜接自然。
 
文章采用總-分-總的結(jié)構(gòu),首段提出論點,中間段用事例證明論點,末段引經(jīng)據(jù)典,總結(jié)事例并深化論點。在敘述事例的時候,作者先論述盡管威廉·勞埃德·加里森“關(guān)于奴隸制的觀點與社會普遍認識相左”,他仍然勇于發(fā)行《解放者》以宣傳自己的觀點。接下來,作者以“斯托夫人是加里森之后的一位廢奴主義者”為過渡句引出斯托夫人的例子,指出盡管斯托夫人的小說《湯姆叔叔的小屋》“使許多南方人懷著憤怒的心情把此書列為禁書,但同時也使奴隸制度的暴行大白于天下。”全文緊扣論點,不枝不蔓,起承轉(zhuǎn)合十分得體。
 
3  exhibits skillful use of language, using a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary
 
顯示運用語言的技巧,詞匯豐富、準確、恰當
 
4  demonstrates meaningful variety in sentence structure
 
運用多種句子結(jié)構(gòu)
 
5  is free of most errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics
 
在語法、用法和技巧上錯誤很少
 
本篇范文文風平實,貴在用詞準確,形象。如第一段的 “Many people are content to go through life following the crowd.”, 從眾的概念變成了看得見的行動;如第二段的 “it brought the terrible act of slavery to the light.”同樣具有畫面感;同樣是第二段,“Before the Civil War, people in all sections of the country thought that African Americans were animals and treated them as such.” 用such指代animals,避免了用詞重復。作者對各種句式的運用也很熟練。開頭第一句 “There are many types of heroes in real life or in literature, but the most courageous type of all is the one who is willing to stand up and say what they believe in even when everyone else lacks the courage to do so.”是一個多重復合句; 第二段的 “The abolitionists, such as Harriet Beecher Stowe and William Lloyd Garrison, were heroes in their own time.” 運用了插入語;
 
四、經(jīng)典詞句
 
be content to do sth. 滿足于做某事
 
follow the crowd 追隨眾人
 
all sections of the country 全國各地
 
common belief 普遍觀念
 
death threat 死亡威脅
 
inhumanness 沒有人性
 
bring sth. to the light 使某事曝光
 
stand up against sth. 站起來反對某事
 
五、事例擴展
 
范文中斯托夫人和加里森的例子還可以應用于是應該相信權(quán)威/大眾還是堅持個人觀點的論題,如
 
1  Is the opinion of the majority-in government or in any other circumstances-a poor guide?
 
2  Do we tend to accept the opinions of others instead of developing our own independent ideas?
 
3  Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?
 
4  Is it more valuable for people to fit in than to be unique and different?
 
5  Is it always best to determine one's own views of right and wrong, or can we benefit from following the crowd?
 
6  Do people need to "unlearn," or reject, many of their assumptions and ideas?
 
7  Is it better for a society when people act as individuals rather than copying the ideas and opinions of others?
 
8  Are widely held views often wrong, or are such views more likely to be correct?
 
9  Do all established traditions deserve to remain in existence?
 
10 Should society limit people's exposure to some kinds of information or forms of expression?
 
以及關(guān)于逆境和挑戰(zhàn)的論題,如
 
1  Do you think that ease does not challenge us and that we need adversity to help us discover who we are?
 
2  Do people learn who they are only when they are forced into action?
 
3  Does true learning only occur when we experience difficulties?
 
4  What is your opinion of the claim that disagreement leads to progress?
 
5  Are people's lives the result of the choices they make?
 
6  Is success in life earned or do people succeed because they are lucky?
 
7  Is it better to change one's attitude than to change one's circumstances?
 
Score Explanation SAT 作文6分范文點評
 
This paper demonstrates clear and consistent mastery by insightfully developing the point of view that "A hero is one who is willing to give up his position in society in order to tell people what he believes is right." The writer demonstrates outstanding critical thinking by focusing on abolitionists William Lloyd Garrison and Harriet Beecher Stowe as examples of heroes who spoke out against the injustice of slavery and refused to "believe in ideas that society says is right, even when they know in their heart it is wrong." First, the essay explains that William Lloyd Garrison published The Liberator to voice his demands "that the African American slaves be set free immediately, without any compensation to their owners," even though "his view on slavery was against the common belief of the population." Next, the essay offers the idea that Harriet Beecher Stowe's depiction of "a slave living in the South and the cruelty of his owner" in her novel Uncle Tom's Cabin "caused many southerners to ban the book in anger," but "at the same time it brought the terrible act of slavery to the light." Further critical thinking is evident as the essay reinforces its definition of a hero with the clearly appropriate quotation from Rudyard Kipling's poem "If." This clearly focused and well organized essay demonstrates clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas. The essay uses a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary ("Many northerners used this book as a weapon against the South's peculiar institution…Both William Lloyd Garrison and Harriet Beecher Stowe stood up against a society which had accepted slavery as a right"). This outstanding essay achieves the highest score of 6.
 

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